Occupy Student Debt

I Went Through Divorce With Student Loans. Here’s My Honest Take.

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I never thought I’d be sorting out student loans and a divorce at the same time. Yet there I was—two folders on the kitchen table. One said “Court.” The other said “Loans.” Coffee got cold. My brain ran hot. You know what? I got through it. And I learned a lot. If you’re curious about every twist and turn, I laid it all out in my full candid recap.

This is my story and, yeah, my review of what worked and what didn’t. If you’re in it too, I’m rooting for you.

The quick backstory

  • I live in Ohio. We were married for seven years.
  • I had federal loans from grad school. Direct Loans.
  • I also had one private loan with a higher rate.
  • He co-signed that private loan in year two of our marriage.
  • I worked in public service for four years and was counting payments toward PSLF.

Worth noting: In Ohio, student loans you took out before saying “I do” are generally treated as separate property—while debt added during marriage can be divided in court (see this quick legal explainer).

At first, we filed taxes jointly. Later, during the split, we filed separately. That switch mattered a lot.

So… who kept what?

I thought my loans were mine only. I was right—and also a little wrong. If you're still unsure whether education debt is considered joint or separate, this deeper dive into whether student loans count as marital debt breaks down the legal angles state by state.

  • My federal loans stayed in my name. The judge didn’t split those.
  • But that private loan with his co-sign? That was messy. The court couldn’t make the lender remove his name. They ordered me to try to refinance it into my name. If I couldn’t, I had to hold him harmless and keep paying it on time.

It took three tries to refinance. SoFi said no. My credit score wasn’t high enough yet. Earnest said yes—barely—after I paid down a credit card and set up autopay. Wild how small numbers can open big doors.

What actually helped (and what I’d do again)

  • I pulled my full loan list from studentaid.gov. I printed it. I wrote due dates in the margins. Simple, but it calmed me.
  • I moved my federal loans to the SAVE plan. Lower payment. Clear math. I could breathe again.
  • I filed taxes as “Married Filing Separately” during the split. That kept my IDR payment based on my income, not ours. Taxes cost more, yes. But the payment drop kept me steady.
  • I called MOHELA (my PSLF servicer) and asked two questions: “Do my payments still count if we separate?” and “What forms do you need?” They were slow. I called twice. Still worth it.
  • I set every loan to autopay the day after payday. Not the same day—one day after. That tiny gap saved me once when a paycheck hit late.
  • I used YNAB for budgeting that year. I liked the “age of money” thing and the rules. It made me less twitchy. Rocket Money was fine for canceling old bills, but YNAB helped me plan.

What surprised me (and kind of hurt)

  • Refinancing during a divorce felt like trying to catch a bus while holding a fish. Documents everywhere. Underwriters asked for proof of everything—pay stubs, decree drafts, even my new lease. Keep a folder. Better yet, a scanner app.
  • PSLF paperwork during the MOHELA backlog tested my patience. Emails went into a void. I set a weekly reminder to check my count. Boring, but it worked.
  • My private lender wouldn’t remove my ex as co-signer until the refinance cleared. Even with a court order. Courts can tell you what to try. Lenders still make their own rules.
  • Interest piled up fast during the wait. It felt rude. I set tiny weekly payments to keep it from snowballing. Ten bucks here. Twenty there. It helped more than I thought.

A few real numbers from my case

  • Federal loans before SAVE: about $420 per month.
  • After SAVE (with MFS taxes): $168 per month. Big swing.
  • Private loan before refinance: 8.24% APR.
  • Refi with Earnest: 5.49% fixed for 7 years. Payment dropped by $74 per month. I framed the approval email. Not joking. If you're weighing a refinance yourself, run the numbers on interest savings but remember you’ll give up federal protections when you switch to a private lender—this breakdown spells out the trade-offs clearly (NerdWallet).

Wondering where my balances sat on the spectrum of reasonable vs. overwhelming? Here's a candid framework for deciding how much student debt is too much.

Tools I used (and my quick review)

  • MOHELA: slow lines, decent answers, spotty online updates. Keep your own records.
  • YNAB: price stings, value lands. Clear plan beats chaos.
  • Tiller: great if you love spreadsheets. I used it for tracking payoff.
  • Earnest: better rate than I had, firm docs list, not chatty but fair.
  • SoFi: slick app, fast no. I didn’t sulk. I fixed my credit and tried again elsewhere.
  • Credit report freeze: I paused it for 24 hours during the refinance pull. Put it back right away. Worked cleanly.

What I’d tell a friend over coffee

  • Don’t mix loans with your spouse if you can help it. Keep accounts separate.
  • If you’re on an income-driven plan, talk to a tax pro about filing separately. The payment change can be huge.
  • Get a single sheet that lists every loan, due date, and contact number. Tape it inside a cabinet door. Old-school works.
  • If you need to refinance a co-signed loan, line up your pay stubs, your decree (or separation agreement), and three months of bank statements. Speed beats stress.
  • Make one “money hour” each week. No multitask. Just you, your numbers, and a snack.

A small curveball: joint consolidation loans

I didn’t have one, but a friend did. Those old “spousal” joint loans? They’re now starting to get split. It’s slow, and she had to send a stack of proof. But she finally got her part carved out. If that’s you, keep at it. Take notes. Names. Dates. Every call.

Feelings, because they matter

I felt embarrassed at first. Like I should’ve known better. But debt isn’t a moral grade. It’s just a math problem wrapped in life. On court days, I wore lucky socks. On payment days, I wrote “Paid!” in big letters. I let small wins be big. It kept me moving.

One silly thing that helped me unwind on nights when the spreadsheet glare turned my brain to mush was hopping onto random video-chat sites where I could talk to strangers who didn’t care about amortization tables. If you’re curious which platforms are legit and worth your time, I found this no-fluff rundown of SlutRoulette — the review breaks down safety features, pricing, and user vibe so you can decide whether a quick anonymous chat break fits your own stress-relief toolkit.

If you’re no longer in “court paperwork” mode and feel ready to meet people face-to-face again, you might check out a local speed-dating night in Mooresville through One Night Affair’s event calendar—they list upcoming mixers, age ranges, and easy sign-up details so you can test the eight-minutes-per-chat format without diving back into endless swipe apps.

My bottom line

  • The court didn’t wipe my loans. It just set the rules.
  • The SAVE plan and filing separately made the payment workable.
  • Refinancing the private loan cut the noise—and removed my ex from risk.
  • Staying organized beat being brave. (Though, hey, a little bravery helped.)

If you’re looking for more step-by-step help or want to see how others have fought back against their balances, the resources over at Occupy Student Debt are worth bookmarking.

If you’re facing student loans during a divorce, you’re not alone. Gather your papers. Make a calm plan. Call the servicer, even if you hate phone trees. And when you get a yes—any yes—celebrate it. Tiny wins stack up. That’s how I walked out the other side.

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