Quick take: sometimes yes, sometimes no. It depends on when the loans were taken, where you live, and how your money works as a couple. I know, not a clean answer. But it’s the truth. If you're looking for a fuller legal dive into exactly when a student loan crosses the line from personal to marital, I broke it down step-by-step in this detailed guide.
Here’s the thing. I’ve lived this. And I’ve watched friends live it too. It’s messy, but you can plan for it.
My Story (And The Awkward Car Talk)
I had about $38,000 in student loans when I got married. They were only in my name. All from before the wedding. My payment was $410 a month at 5.6%. It made my stomach drop every time the bill hit. You know what? I felt ashamed, even though I shouldn’t have.
My husband didn’t have loans. But during year two of our marriage, he went back for a master’s. We took out $24,000 in new loans. Those were in his name, during the marriage. That’s where my brain went, Wait… are these “ours”?
One night, we sat in the car outside Target. He asked, “Are you okay splitting these?” I said, “Yes… and also, I don’t know.” We laughed. Then we got serious.
We met with a local lawyer. She said something simple that stuck:
- Debt from before marriage is usually yours.
- Debt taken during marriage can be shared. But it depends on your state and how the court sees “benefit to the marriage.”
- Courts also look at who paid what, income, and any agreement, like a prenup.
So we made a plan. We kept paying my old loans from my account. We paid his grad loans from our joint account. It felt fair. Not perfect. But fair.
Real Examples From My Life
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My friend Jess married with no debt. Her husband, Marco, had $52,000 from before they met. They live in a community property state. A judge later said the old loans were still his. The new $8,000 they took during the marriage? That was split. Stressful, but clear enough.
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My cousin Dani and her wife had a prenup. It said any student loans stay with the borrower, no matter what. Later, when Dani took out $15,000 for a nursing program, the prenup saved a fight. They both agreed upfront. No drama, no guessing.
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My coworker Luke divorced after eight years. His wife went to school during year five. The court in their state split the new loan pain in a way that felt… half fair. She kept the loan, but he had to reimburse a small part of what the marriage got from her higher pay. He said it felt like paying rent on a degree. He also said he’d still support her again, because her raise helped them both at the time. Life is weird like that.
So… Is It Marital Debt?
Short answer: sometimes.
Longer answer: think about three things:
- When was the loan taken? Before marriage = usually separate. During marriage = maybe shared.
- Who did it benefit? If the degree raised household income, a judge may say the marriage benefited.
- What does your state say? Some states share most debts taken during marriage. Others weigh it piece by piece.
I’m not your lawyer. I’m just a person who cried over a spreadsheet once. But those three things came up in every real case I saw.
What I Wish I Knew Sooner
- Put it in writing. A simple prenup or postnup can say who owns what debt.
- Track payments. Keep notes on who paid which loan. Courts like proof. Your brain will too.
- Use one money talk each month. We call ours “the ten-minute huddle.” Coffee, receipts, done.
- Watch interest. High rates make small fights feel big. We refinanced one loan and shaved the payment by $92. For a painful real-life illustration of how balances can balloon even when you’re making payments, read about how my Howard bill kept growing—it still gives me chills.
For more ideas on standing up to student loans as a couple or solo, you can browse Occupy Student Debt and see how others are tackling the same challenge.
How We Paid Without Fighting (Much)
We split by timeline. My old loans? My account. His new grad loans? Our joint account. We also did a 60/40 split on extra payments based on income that year. If one of us got a bonus, we tossed a chunk at the highest rate loan. Tiny wins add up. So do tiny resentments, so we talked early.
Tax season helped too. When we filed together, we looked at interest paid. We set aside part of the refund for the next loan payment. Not fun. But tidy.
A Quick Checklist That Actually Helped
- List every loan: balance, rate, whose name, and start date.
- Circle loans taken during the marriage. That’s your “maybe shared” pile.
- Check your state rules or talk to a local lawyer. One hour can save months of guessing.
- Decide your couple rule: separate, shared, or split by income.
- Write it down. Email it to each other. Future you will be grateful.
Not sure where your own red line is? I wrestled with that question in this piece on how much is too much student debt, and the exercise can help you set limits before signing any promissory note.
The Human Part No One Says Out Loud
Debt can feel like a secret. But secrets grow teeth. Say the number out loud. Sit on the floor with a snack. Be a team. Money is math, yes. But it’s also trust.
By the way, if you’re still in the swipe-and-meet phase of relationships, talking about debt might feel a million miles off. Choosing a platform that encourages honesty from day one can help you bridge that gap—apps such as Pure are built around radical transparency. Check out this in-depth Pure review to see how its features, safety tools, and “no-strings” vibe stack up, so you can decide if it’s the right setting for open conversations about money (and everything else). If you’d rather skip the apps and meet potential partners face-to-face in a setting where honest conversation happens fast, look into a local event like speed dating in Salinas—their calendar shows upcoming mixers, pricing, and tips for making the most of those quick-fire chats so you can spot financial compatibility from the first hello.
One more thing. If you’re the partner without loans, your support can still be huge. A kind word on payday can carry someone a long way. I remember one Sunday when my husband said, “We’re okay. We’re doing this together.” I believed him. It helped me keep going.
Final Verdict
Are student loans marital debt? Sometimes. Loans from before marriage are usually yours. Loans during marriage may be shared, depending on your state, your agreements, and how the marriage benefited. It’s not simple, but it’s manageable.
My advice, as a person who’s been in the mud: write a plan, talk often, and ask a local lawyer once. Then go live your life. The loan is big. Your team is bigger.